August 7th, 2009
I haven’t really ranted for quite some time. Been pretty busy for as long as I can imagine. I so need to take a good rest. All these running around have really been showing its effects on me. I’ve been working too hard, thinking too hard and most of all trying too hard. The benefits? Small at most. Imagine trying to kill a rat and instead of just trapping it you make yourself multimillion dollar weapons system that can wipe out anything in a 500meter radius to do just that. I’ve been trying a number of stuff from learning the guitar to involving myself deeper into the ACG scene just for experience sake.
The more I think about it the more I feel confused. What am I trying to achieve here? Where am I going? What is the reason for all of this? All these done and to what extent of such said benefits? Seriously? None. Met a lot of people, learned a whole new bunch of stuff but I still do not feel…happy?
Never ending questions float around in my head everyday seeking to find some sort of a satisfying answer. But then again no answers on life are never clear. There are things that bothers me and often times it does alot and I have to find acceptance somewhere along the long road ahead. Things never ever goes my way and though I’m never the lucky person to ever being associated with I’ve tried my best. I’m tired. Mentally and physically.
For what’s its worth at least knowing that I’ve tried my best to the fullest of my extend all this while might not give me any regrets when I’m down 6 feet under one day. Well, maybe.
In other news, I’ve finally upgraded to the latest version 3.8.2 of Wordpress after seemingly too lazy to upgrade from version 2.6. I have to say that it looks pretty nice. Now I have to start redesigning the site to something more visually pleasing. Speaking about the site, its almost time for me to renew the domain name and the site itself. Which also means it gonna be Clowonline.com’s first anniversary. Yeah!
But…should I maintain the domain name or should I change it to something more catchy and memorable? Any ideas?
July 17th, 2009
After what happened during the postmortem, I just had to rewrite the entire rant. I had learned many things during the course of DaiCon’s preparation especially in the field on human behavior. It is interesting to note that some people have no idea that their course of action would bring such drastic circumstances. In fact, ignorance is bliss and bliss are those who are gladly proclaiming that DaiCon was a success.
Most of the problems can be found in other blogs or forums so I won’t talk about it. That said it can be greatly be reduced or solved if it was brought up much earlier. I wanted to do my job but due to emotional and immature thinking of the hicomms I was deny that role. Kept in the dark and refused to be given proper information and also with a strange campaign planned to undermine which was pretty obvious proved that my services were not required. Not that I have a problem with not doing work but my professionalism demands that I must do my best.
After trying to confront this issues, strange reasons which were obviously illogical were given. No explanations were sought out nor was this was ever voiced out or talked over. Never have I worked in a group before that such a thing had happened before. Brats. Spoiled brats to be exact. This reminds me of high school drama that is famous of being brought into a university setting. Wonderful.
With all this being taken personally no proper work was done to solve issues that would arise and during that time I was free and very willing to handle such task which was my role in the first place. Being professional and responsible to immature kids is really irritating. Do you job properly and they will say that you are misusing your power. Ask for information they will say you are ordering them around. This would be true is your role was not the FREAKING ASSISTANT DIRECTOR. I wonder if the same train of thought would occur if its the director asking the same things and not me. Curious.
Assumptions and heresay mixed into work is a dangerous mix. From no drama to drama in such a short time even staying neutral was difficult as your every action was deemed as dangerous and scrutinized at every chance. But when they involve your personal life into the equation it was just too much. No matter how much you talk to blockhead who does not want to listen because it would mean that they were wrong is not what they wanted in the first place. Most of the problems were already foreseen months ago and if only they did not cut me out from the loop I would had continue doing my job at hand. Do so much for others and they stab you in the back at the end of the day. Yeap, I’m too nice for my own good. Period.
“Respect is not given but earned” is a two way quote which means the same for the speaker as well but when one’s action contradict such words it is known as hypocricy. When I speak of respect I always point out by saying that you must talk to the other person like a human being not ONCE did I ever mention that I must be respected due to my position. Listening to one thing and not the whole sentence is again just plain ignorance.
That said, one must look into the mirror and reflect upon oneself before judging others. We are not perfect being as some might claim to be. Understanding one another and talking things out is the mature and adult way to go. As long certain groups of people do not recognize and face this and grow up I am certain that they will never survive in the real world. The irresponsibility of a few people was what messed the event up. Its that plain and simple. Was the problems discussed and solved during the postmortem? No, it became a massive happy party where the world is made out of rainbow and unicorns. Yes, I almost blew my top but it was because someone was looking for trouble. I often wished that I would be surrounded with mature thinking intelligent young adults in university but I often found myself babysitting instead. I’m so fed up.
With all this dorama going on around me I must admit that it is time for me to close the curtains on this chapter and retire from EMiNA Cyber and any club or university activities. Sometimes all this shit is just not worth the investment. I rather work with outside group for external event and the like. At least its work done right and professionally minus the childish emotional conducts. Goodnight.
To quote a friend of mine “DaiCon was an event organised by form 5 student with the university’s money with the concert being main purpose featuring some sponsor and vendor booth with a touch of side activities.”. I agree completely now that it is not a ACG event. Enuf said.
June 24th, 2009
Me? A peon? Not quite true!
After 3 weeks of work I’m finally getting used to it. Although there is the matter of sleep debt and a whole lack of it I still have to say it beats having to study for exams. For the past couple of weeks I’ve tend to realized a couple of things while working. For starters, I’m apparently addicted to the internet in a sense that if you take it away from me at the office I’ll go crazy after a while killing everyone in the office then curling up into a fetal position at the corner of the room and then die slowly withering like a flower without water. Okay, no not really but still it becomes unbearable when you have nothing to do between assignments workloads.
Eating alone is so much fun! No, not really. Since I’m the ONLY intern here its kinda expected. I could eat with my fellow co-workers but seeing how I’m always on a shoestring budget(or until the end of this month) I do not see a point in doing so. On a side note, having cold pre-packed chicken rice from Carrefour for 3 days straight does not make it taste any better nor addictive at all. Well, at least it gets the job done by filling up my stomach. Kinda. How I wish there’s a nasi campur stall nearby at a time like this.
Just like how most people like to read the newspaper in the morning I have the tendency to check out bbcnews.com for the latest news reports…in the office. Unfortunately, I try not to access a certain Sankaku Complex due to its *ehem* non-work safe news. Other than the occasional workload that I usually complete in no time at all (freaks surprises my supervisors out every time), I’m pretty much quite free in the office. Heck, I even got some DaiCon work done as well.
Going to work in the morning takes me 30ish minutes to get from my house to the office door but it takes twice that time to go home. I hate rush hour traffic.
Overall, I’m still learning new stuff everyday but I still miss the ol’classrooms and the same consistent food around campus. Pffft…hell no.
June 12th, 2009
I was so looking forward to actually learning someting new without the hassles of exams and such during this Industrial Training period. Willowglen the company I’m working for specialises in SCADA is located about 30-45mins away from home depending for the traffic. Arrived an hour early for work on Monday. Totally forgotten about the school holidays and thus the lack of traffic. Given a key card which also acts as my attendence monitoring system(thank god MMU does not have this or should I say phailed to implement this). That passion of mine went into hibernation mode 20mins on the first day on the job. Literally, as you will later see.
I was assigned to the Project Software dept. Apparently what they do is that they act as middle men between customers and the R&D department and is tasked to solved software problems. I was given a ‘Introduction to SCADA’ textbook and a beginner’s manual on their software setup and was tasked with reading up on it. I had no computer on my desk with or without any interweb. I slept while reading. Agonising. Thank god I had a computer with an internet connection on day 2. It was a blessing. Luckily my supervisor noticed my boredom and hooked me up with a connection. She’s awesome for that I tell you and she now sits behind me at work. Heh. So far she hasn’t said anything about my excessive net usage yet but then again as long as I’m given something to then then I won’t be lingering my life online anyways.
There’s another Trainee here as well but she’s leaving by this week leaving me the only fresh meat Trainee around these here parts. Week one has been unsurprisingly boring in the office. Outside the office however, it has been a heartwrenching down hill hell hole for me. But of course seeing how shit always happens to me and that I’m never lucky enough to experience what society normally does I guess I should be considering it as a norm by now. Heh.
May 31st, 2009
Finally, I’ve finished the exams for this semester….well…not really. I just found out something really shocking at the end of the second last paper (I had 6 papers this sem). It was miserable. Heh.
But looking back at the progression of the exam I realized that it reminded me of an RPG style scenario typically found in most Role Playing Games that I used to play. Therefore, I have taken the liberty in describing my experience in such a manner as if you are playing a RPG which can be seen/read below.
“…It was time at last. After level grinding for what can be seen as an eternity(4months) and multiple side quest later(in which some side quest were basically abandon or failed completely) Ihad finally reached the front gates of the ultimate FREAKING lair of the FINAL boss of the game. Seeing how this was not a typical Square-Enix RPG you are to fight and end the game all by yourself. So basically helping your other party members to level up and get the best equipment of the game is a waste of time.
So in a typical fashion you go pass the short dungeon before reaching every boss fight. So last minute leveling are definitely a must(every night). The first boss was scary, at first I thought that I did not bring enough items, leveled enough or even used the best weapon and armour I can find but then again surprisingly the battle was quite okay. Second boss was a bit tricky. Barely defeated that one. 3rd one wasn’t a problem. 4th one was a bitch and it said “THIS IS NOT THE END!!!” when it went down. Typical boss death quote I tell you but I do hope it stays just that.
Anyways, after the 4 previous bosses are what we usually call in RPG’s as sub-bosses who appears before the main boss fight to soften you up before the final battle. The fifth one? The ultimate uber boss that you fight of the entire game. Over 9,000,000,000 HP, high stats and also multiple status and element resistant. It was INSANELY HARD. Really, it was. I died. The only action I was able to do was to select the ‘attack’ command once and I got stepped on for a whopping 99999 damage. WOOT! My damage inflicted? Well…1…maybe. And I suspected it was pitying me for that. I could have sworn i saw it shed a small tear.
Interestingly, I was allowed to sit for a battle with the six boss which was in fact can be considered a mini boss fight. Any boss fights or battles after the final boss are mainly just for show in RPG’s cause you’ll definitely win. End of game.”
Anyways, it seems I have to fight the final boss again from the last save point to unlock the ultimate game achivement of being able to proceed to the next level. Not to mention, apparently all this while I have been fighting the wrong 3rd boss. It seems to be an optional boss that I was not suppose to fight and now I have to refight the REAL 3rd boss in order to get the FULL TRUE ENDNIG. Heh. They both look and named almost the same. It was confusing. I blame the game maker for making such confusing menus.
Sigh. I hate my life…and here I thought I had it all figured out and yes my words are cryptic.
